bsat blog

Our crack squad of intelligence experts and guys who sit at home all day reading Google readers, have uncovered yet another example of chronic misinformation on the subject of standardized testing in the mainstream local media. Not only was "acing" a standardized test listed as "critical" for a student to "compete in the global economy," but the fallacy that laborious test preparation programs increase a students confidence and function as a human being is further perpetuated.

This week's offender, the Los Altos (CA) Town Crier. Ha! More like the Lost Altos Town Liar. (ZIIIING!) But seriously, I'm not one to trust a news outlet that entrusts its mascot duties to a pilgrim ringing a cowbell would seem a step below reputable to me. 

Just look at a few of their list of so-called SAT prep tips, provided by the oppressors at Sylvan Learning Centers:

 

• Trust yourself. Rely on your instincts. Never leave an easy question blank. - Well, if it was easy I wouldn't be leaving it blank...because I'd know the fucking answer!

 

• Read the questions and answers critically. - Ohhh, so you're telling me to read the questions. Good call. Where do I make the check out to, again? 

 

• Essay questions have easy answers. - Uhhh, no. If the question had an easy answer you wouldn't need a whole fucking essay to explain yourself now would you? I will just go ahead and assume this was a spelling error, and they meant to say, "Essay questions have essay answers" in which case, well, yeah, you have a point. You're probably not going to do well answering "B" on an 800 word writing prompt.

 

• Save time. Make sure you have enough time to answer as many questions as possible, so you can rack up as many points as possible.

• Rushing only hurts you. Keep track of the time remaining for each section. - Okay, so you're telling me to go slowly, but answer as many questions as possible, so I can save time. What?!? Are you suggesting I take this test with that remote control doodad Adam Sandler used in Click? I hope not...because that movie blew.

 

• Eliminate answers. If you can eliminate at least two incorrect answers, make an educated guess. - If you've eliminated half the answer choices, doesn't that qualify your guess as "educated"? And if you can't eliminate one of the remaining two, it probably stands to reason that you don't have an "educated" guess as to which of the two of them is better, otherwise you'd be on the next question by now!