bsat blog

Moving into college is an overwhelming experience. We at the BSAT would like to take a little pressure off the whole experience for you by introducing you to a few kids you’ll definitely meet on your freshman hall even before you get there. You know, ‘cause we’re nice like that. Today’s episode: The Dude Who’s Really Into Politics And Thinks You Should Be Too.

You’ll know him when you see him walking down the hall on the first day.

His allegiance may run the spectrum from be-dreaded, über-liberal, conspiracy theorist, to be-corduroyed, reactionary Rove-ian, but his passion and fervor will not change. Nor will his infallible righteousness, his smugly condescending discussion points or the fact that he is right and you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. He will try to get you to join the Young Democrats or the Young Republicans—or worse some Granola-crunchier Green Party, or some obscurantist Tea Bagging student organization. (As a digression, when I was in school the “tea bagging student organization” was a different entity entirely, though one with similar views on self-administered social justice.)

He will register you to vote—even if you’re already registered in your home state. He will chide your lack of knowledge on the all-important municipal bonds levy up for referendum in your college’s school district. He will guilt you into canvassing for someone running for comptroller.

Just when you think he might let you enjoy a movie, or a sports game, or a malt-beverage in a non-politicized context he’s swoops in. Your favorite filmmaker’s apolitical views unknowingly foster an agenda against American hegemony. Sports are a heteronormative agent of socialization which function as an opiate of society’s underclasses. Your favorite beer is owned by or contributes significantly to European socialists, Neo-Con Facsists, or, worse, the Pennsylvania Dutch.

He will make you hate the otherwise brilliantly composed Aaron Sorkin drama “The West Wing.” He will not find it funny when you ask your Intro Political Science Professor if Tocqueville is a Canadian hat emporium…or what they used to call the Grateful Dead’s dressing room back in the day.

When you see him walking down the hall on the first day. Run.