bsat blog

One thing that’s pretty standard at most colleges is that you’ll probably have to pick a major—that is, after all, kind of the point. The thing is, in recent years it’s become increasingly clear that you can major in just about anything. With wacky interdisciplinary programs and create-your-own synoptic majors a student can major in anything from Oppressed Feudal-Asian Gender Studies to Computational Agro-Marine Farming Techniques to Communications. And since even legit majors like English or Classics will do little to help you secure a job (for that matter, neither will business or finance in this economy), you really have no reason not to major in whatever you find to be most interesting. But before you get too carried away here are a few things that sound like you should be able to major in them, but you really can’t.

Bracketology

Not only is Braketology not an applicable major choice, it’s not even a word. It’s just some dubious shit the folks at ESPN came up with to make their “Big Monday”, “Super Tuesday”, “Occasional Wednesday”, “College Hoops Thursday”, “Bet You Wish You Had a Life Friday”, “Saturday Gameday” and “Game of the Week Sunday” college basketball telecasts seem more important. Otherwise you wouldn’t really pay attention to a Colonial League tussle between the George Mason Colonials and Hofstra No-Longer-Flying Dutchman, would you? But if there are at-large bid ramifications? You practically can’t afford not to watch!

Scientology

I have to be honest here, if Scientology were offered as a major, I just might bite. I mean the whole thing is fascinating. You’ve seen Tom Cruise interviewed right? The man’s certifiably insane, and it’s all thanks to this: a religion started in the 50s by a science fiction writer. No, seriously. And we think people who list their religion as Jedi are kooks. Oh, did I mention that you receive no enlightenment without substantial donations? Wasn’t that the same thing Martin Luther was pissed about hundreds of years ago?

Puppeteering

Alright so this one probably doesn’t sound like you could major in it, but it would be fun. Possible post-graduate vocations could include: ventriloquism, working for Sesame Street, installing puppet governments in South America—oh wait. It is a real major? Seriously? You might as well just join the circus.