New Spring Break spinoff: Fall Break!
The BSAT Collegiate Council announced today that, in addition to the traditional Spring Break, its member institutions will implement a mandatory Fall Break this year. The Council, led by illustrious schools such as Sow's Ear College (Silk Purse, Iowa), Combustible Polytech (Port Saint Combustible, Florida), and New York University (New York, New York), is best known for representing the handful of bold admissions departments that have rejected the traditional but hated SAT and ACT in favor of the new BSAT college admissions test.
A spokesperson for the Council had this to say: “Fall Break is being instituted as a safety measure. The CDC has informed us that Swine Flu can spread rapidly on college campuses. We take the threat seriously. By encouraging students to leave, we help ensure that the virus will not take hold among the student body.” He then added, “And, dudes, Cancun is like 85 degrees in October. It’s going to be sweeet.”
Criticism of the new policy have been energetic. The College Board, publisher of the SAT, released this statement: “This is a publicity stunt. There is absolutely no scientific evidence that a week’s vacation will in any way help avoid the spread of swine flu on college campuses. The BSAT Collegiate Council is using this so-called Fall Break as a tool to win business from other institutions, garnering tuition-paying slackers, underachieving young people who might otherwise apply themselves in earnest during the college admissions process. It’s no more ethical than a coach recruiting a promising High School quarterback with loose women, hard drink, and recreational drugs. Besides which, don’t these idiots know that swine flu comes from Mexico!?”
When asked to comment on this issue, a spokesperson for the BSAT Collegiate Council says, “Oh my god, it’s not like we’re going to drink the water, you know what I mean? And as for luring underachievers to our schools, I ask you: yeah? and your point?”
The BSAT is the revolutionary new alternative to the SAT and the ACT, which are thoroughly inoffensive but useless. The BSAT, by contrast, is thoroughly offensive and useless. For more information, visit BSATworld.com.
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