bsat blog

Hey, nothing will take a piss in your holiday Cheerios more than getting rejected Early Decision by your college of choice. Especially because it means you've got to fill out more college applications and write more of those inane college essays. But we here at the BSAT have your back. We've developed a simple form so that you can submit college essays almost instaneously. Because we know you've got more important things to to--like downloading porn onto your graphing calculator.

Thesis Statement (circle one): During my valuable life experience as a (volunteer worker / camp counselor / used car salesman) I have had such valuable life experiences as (volunteering / camp counseling / rolling back the odometer on an ’82 Buick Regal). These valuable life experiences taught me that life is (a gift / a journey / a highway--and I'm gonna ride it all night long).

Body: Here include roughly 200 words that describe a time in your life when you did something difficult. Remember, difficult is a relative term. For Helen Keller playing a game of Cranium was probably a bitch, but for you it might be climbing a mountain or talking to a despised relative. Be sure to include words like "arduous," "rewarding," and "totally epic, brah." Also describe how you found success. Remember, success is a relative term.

Concluding Lesson (circle one): After seeing the (terrible living conditions / inescapable poverty / lack of cable television options) people are subjected to on my trip to such third world countries as (Mexico / Belize / Canada) I was (shocked / appalled / shocked and appalled). It has since helped me to appreciate my (life and family / privileged socioeconomic standing / XBox 360).

Boom, there you go. Simply fill this puppy out, mash the "submit" button with your mouse and you're well on your way to feeling the sweet satisfaction of being rejected, Regular Decision, style.