bsat blog

Holiday Breaks are generally good for three things: eating too much, sleeping too much, and trying not to catch the Herpes simplex 2 virus from your great aunt’s cold sore the size of Montana. But if you’re one of the unfortunate souls who have gotten roped into spending your precious vacation time drudging about college campuses listening to some backward-walking, definitely-hungover dude named Kent spout pearls of wisdom on the abundance of blue light phones, we at the BSAT have you covered. We’re debuting a new feature we like to call: “What to Watch for on College Tours”. Today’s episode: The Obnoxious Father.

It’s hard to put too fine a point on the Obnoxious Father as he could take many forms. He could hail from either Long Island or New Jersey and his medium of obnoxiousness is equally likely to be Blackberry Curve or Blackberry Storm. One thing’s for sure though he has a cell phone, or some kind of cell phone accessory, surgically fused to his ear lobe; and although he does not suffer from voice immodultion, he has trouble controlling the VOLUME OF HIS VOICE. Think Ari Gold without the occasional bits of character-redeeming humanity spliced into the never-ending, profanity-laced tirades.

Of course, finding the Obnoxious Father is the easy part. Knowing what to do about him is far more difficult. That’s because there really isn’t much you can do. Make no mistake about it, it’s the Obnoxious Father’s world and you’re just touring colleges in it. So pretty much the recommendation here is just to sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Take some time to listen in on his phone conversations, and you’ll probably hear the following exchange. “What? No, I’m with my daughter. Don’t worry, it’s her safety school! It’s like when they take the inner city kids and stick them out in the woods for a few weeks, I’m hoping it brings her Phyiscs grade up.” Though less informative, listening to the Obnoxious Father is far more humorous than the actual tour; you didn’t really care about distribution requirements anyway, did you?