bsat blog

Yesterday we gave you a list of a few things you will see in college brochures but you’ll never actually do in college. Today we’re going in the other direction, with a list of things that you’ll never see in a college view book, but are as essential to the academic experience as over-priced text books and that creepy dude who graduated four years ago but still lives on campus and tries to hook-up with freshman.

1. Lob Heavy Objects Out of Dorm Room Windows – Couches, fridges, your television after a particularly heated Mario Kart race, it’s all fair game to take the plunge in a little practical application of Newton’s first law you can file under “shit you’ll wish you didn’t do in 15 minutes.”

2. Order Late Night Food and Pass Out Before it Arrives – When you’re coming back from the library at 2 am late-night food sounds like such a great idea. Between 2 am and whenever the delivery guy finds time between bong rips to deliver it however, sleep sounds like a much greater idea. Nothing quite beats sleeping through the Dominoes guy pounding at your door and threatening to light your family on fire. Still, think of it as community service, because even though your neighbors will be pissed when his pounding wakes them up—hey, free pizza.

3. Wear Shower Shoes – You know the perilous tales you hear about people coming back from Thailand with a rare, incurable super-strain of an STD they’ve contracted from a prostitute? Well dorm showers are like filthy whores for your feet. Does this mean far-Eastern sex workers provide roughly the equivalent health risks posed by dorm showers? Yes—but they’re a hell of a lot easier to deduct as a business expense.