bsat blog

With apologies to MC Hammer, we’re back with another installment of our ongoing series on “What to Watch for on College Tours,” where we give you another recurring college tour feature to look out for. Today’s installment: “Superstitious Campus Sculptures You're Supposed to Touch or Not Touch.”

Almost every school has some kind of quirky, traditional campus artifact that you’re supposed to touch every time you pass by, or never touch once during your entire student career. Whether you’re rubbing the nose of a terrapin or brushing your fingers across the “Gates of Hell”, just remember that the most famously touched items on campus are also the most fun to pee on while intoxicated (the occasional Porsche in the campus parking lot belonging to an exceptionally smarmy douche bag notwithstanding). And unless you’re at Teetotaler U (or Brigham Young) the probability of a sizable portion of the student body falling into the “drunk and looking to amuse themselves” category on a given night is probably pretty high.

At most schools there’s some kind of embossed metal school seal in the middle of some revered courtyard or campus meeting place. And, in a story undoubtedly cooked up by vindictive janitors, the legend goes that if you step on that seal you’re doomed to fail all of your finals that semester. If you accidentally stepped on the seal (it is on the fucking ground after all) before your tour guide was able to spout that pearl of wisdom, don’t fret. Chances are you probably won’t fail all your finals at that school because you won’t be getting in. That’s probably for the best because schools like that are generally pretty challenging and you probably would’ve failed all your finals in the first place. Of course, if while on your college tour, you managed to pee on the seal while intoxicated you can expect to graduate with high honors.