bsat blog

Over the weekend we here at the BSAT stumbled across this gem about the University of Chicago receiving flack for sending out what they felt would be a humorous essay to amuse and reduce the stress of their applicants. This, of course, backfired, as several other students began freaking out because their essays were similar.

The essay, one which “compare[s] the college to an elusive lover”, is the kind of thing every high school English teacher shows their class as a way to “think outside the box,” and an example of an extremely original, creative take on a college essay. Of course if everybody’s high school English teacher is telling them this, it sort of becomes neither extremely original nor creative. Several poor students on College Confidential noted that they had written similar essays and were now freaking out about whether or not they should change them. The dean told them not to. Of course he did—doesn’t having more essays that cause applicants to be rejected make his job easier?

Writing a better, more creative take on the essay topic can’t be that hard though. After all, if we look at “Rohan’s” already-admitted prose it doesn’t exactly set the bar at an unattainable level. “Your cup overfloweth with academic genius, pour a little on me.” Come on now. The masturbatory use of “overfloweth” doesn’t hide the fact that Def Leppard penned a far more concise, and harder-rocking, version of the sentiment some 23 years ago.

And when you think about it, that's probably the way to go. Why settle for penning a crappy essay personifying the college of your choice as the object of your desires and why not go straight to the source and pen a full-fledged power ballad? What school wouldn't want to admit a student that was able to creepily write about them in obsessive love song form? Or you can up the ante from the obsessive love song and go right for the Time Life "Praise and Worship" collection. Just find your favorite (or any) Christian Rock song and replace the name “Jesus” with your school of choice. Press record on the cassette player and you’re in business. Or better yet, just hire a Christian rock group to show up at the dean’s door and melt his face in person. In this economy, I’m sure there are plenty available. I don’t exactly see Jars of Clay tearing it up on the bar mitzvah circuit, do you?

We'll be back tomorrow with a few examples of this approach, so stay tuned.