bsat blog

KOREA – Fear not kiddoes, the intrepid protectors of truth and justice have busted up a notorious smuggling ring based out of Gapyeong, in Gyeonggi Province. And what illicit substances were these dastardly fiends smuggling, you ask? Black market puppies? Kilo bricks of uncut heroin? Mail order brides? No. Worse. SAT Test results. Holy number 2 pencils Batman!

Students were paid 100,000 won to tear out test sheets or type answers onto their graphing calculators. At first that seems like a pretty arduous task, but given what some people put on their graphing calculators, it’s not so hard to believe. (Note: That link should be to hardcore graphing calculator pornography, but instead it’s a crudely drawn calculator movie of two dogs doing it. Lame, I know. I’ll try to do better next time.)

Answers were then transmitted back to contacts in the USA. All in all it’s a pretty air tight criminal plot, and I’m pretty sure someone’s sketching an outline for a Bond film about it right now. "Rhombuses Are Forever"? Executives from the Educational Testing Service were dispatched to foil the operation. The kingpin, who goes by “Jang”, insists that he would’ve gotten away with it if not for some meddling kids who drive around in a van solving mysteries with their dog.