bsat blog

Why is my picture a cactus? The answer, children, is quite simple: I am, metaphorically speaking, covered with sharp disagreeable needles.

Take the admissions director of S*****e College, Mr. Dobson Smithers (that's not his real name, but his real one is just as stupid). Jamie O., a student here at our school, really wanted to go to his school. And I think she belongs. She's a great singer, has good grades, and her last purchase of heroin was more than 22 months back, before she was brought here by her desperate parents. (In fact, we put her in charge of food purchasing -- she's obviously got the skills.)

But Smithers wasn't budging. He hadn't heard of our program and thought that anyone with a criminal record might not be the best fit among their delicate "normal" kids.

I told him he was an asshole and that if they didn't accept Jamie forthwith, I'd sue their asses for discrimination against distressed youth. That shook him up, I'm sure. Because all of a sudden he was returning my calls instantly and calling me "Doctor".

Now that we're friends, I told Smithers that soon we'll be replacing the SAT with the BSAT and that if they don't like that it they can go fuck themselves and we'll sue their asses. At this point we have that kind of a relationship.

Now you see why I'm a cactus? A nice fuzzy cactus.