bsat blog

Earlier we started introducing you to kids you’ll meet on your freshman hall. Here’s another: The Guy Who Thinks You’re Not Partying Hard enough. When you get to college you’ll notice one thing immediately. There are no parents. There is no bedtime. You can party every night. Literally, there is someone on campus partying every single night of the week. And while most freshmen quickly realize that even though they can party every night of the week, it’s probably better if one or two nights they don’t. Just to let the liver know they’re still on the same team.

Every freshman hall, however, contains one guy who is a self-appointed best party-er in all of college. If you’re not sure who it is, he’s the one informing you that you’re committing a “party foul” for doing just about anything. “Aww dude, white socks? Party foul!” “Drinking a right-handed beer with your left hand? Party foul!” “Passing out spooning the radiator and getting dry-humped by the neighbors beagle? I did that once…total party foul!” And if there’s one thing he’s sure about, it’s that you’re not partying hard enough. Dude, he’ll say, anyone can rage hard on a Friday or Saturday or the occasional Wednesday, or Thursday, but only a true hero can rage on Tuesdays and Sundays. He’s out there partying so hard even the dudes in the fraternities he parties with think he should probably pump the breaks a little.

But no, he’ll say, “There are sober children in Africa who are dying for that beer!” And he’ll say it without a hint of irony. He’ll give you a phd-level dissertation on the importance of muscle memory in beer pong. He’ll pass out on the side of the road walking to get late night munchies, spend a night in the drunk tank and wear it as a badge of honor. “Yeah,” he’ll say, “I’m that guy!” And, you know what? If you don’t mind being told to party harder every 5 minutes the Guy Who Thinks You’re Not Partying Hard Enough is a pretty fun dude to hang out with. Just make sure he returns those DVDs he borrowed before Christmas break, because chances are once second semester starts he will no longer be enrolled. Too bad they don’t factor partying into your GPA.