Blogger Non-Sequitur Theater Presents: Things That Grind My Gears
I don't know how often you've read my work, but I tend to get my gears ground a lot. This whole college admisions business really chaps my hide. But today I'd like to take a second to look at things outside the realm of college admissions that really tick me off.
You know what really grinds my gears? Number 1. Combos. Have you ever found yourself eating a pretzel and thought, "You know what would make this better? If it were made into a hollow tube and filled with Nacho-flavored modelling clay. That's what!" Did you also know that Combo's are the official cheese-filled snack of Nascar? Who the hell needs an official cheese filled snack! I hear Major League Baseball is deciding between a calzone and "Duck Soup" by the Marx Brothers! (Get it...cheese-filled...it's a cheesy movie? No? Well...Fuck You.)
You know what else burns my biscuits? These Chevrolet commercials where Howie Long calls you gay for driving a Ford. "Would you rather have a Ford F-150 with some kind of faggy 'man-step', or a Chevey Silverado?" You tell 'em Howard! You know what I hate? When a car company does something to improve the functionality and user convenience of its vehicle. That's so gay. Shut up Howie Long. 1991 called, it wants its haircut back.
Lastly, you know what really takes a wizz in my Cheerios? Waking up to find that my little web home here at BSATworld.com has made me the main character in a Question of the Day about "double bagging"! (Not that I necessarily frown upon the procedure, what with all the cast mates from "The Jersey Shore" getting clothing lines.) I don't even have this problem on the real SATs because even though a Google Image search for my first name will result in a veritable rainbow of ethnicities ranging from here to here, the morons at the College Board are always into using multiculutral names like Sanjay O'Malley or Sven Rodriguez. Still...it's the last time we let Binger write a question.
You know what really grinds my gears? Number 1. Combos. Have you ever found yourself eating a pretzel and thought, "You know what would make this better? If it were made into a hollow tube and filled with Nacho-flavored modelling clay. That's what!" Did you also know that Combo's are the official cheese-filled snack of Nascar? Who the hell needs an official cheese filled snack! I hear Major League Baseball is deciding between a calzone and "Duck Soup" by the Marx Brothers! (Get it...cheese-filled...it's a cheesy movie? No? Well...Fuck You.)
You know what else burns my biscuits? These Chevrolet commercials where Howie Long calls you gay for driving a Ford. "Would you rather have a Ford F-150 with some kind of faggy 'man-step', or a Chevey Silverado?" You tell 'em Howard! You know what I hate? When a car company does something to improve the functionality and user convenience of its vehicle. That's so gay. Shut up Howie Long. 1991 called, it wants its haircut back.
Lastly, you know what really takes a wizz in my Cheerios? Waking up to find that my little web home here at BSATworld.com has made me the main character in a Question of the Day about "double bagging"! (Not that I necessarily frown upon the procedure, what with all the cast mates from "The Jersey Shore" getting clothing lines.) I don't even have this problem on the real SATs because even though a Google Image search for my first name will result in a veritable rainbow of ethnicities ranging from here to here, the morons at the College Board are always into using multiculutral names like Sanjay O'Malley or Sven Rodriguez. Still...it's the last time we let Binger write a question.
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