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Uncle Carlo

I am a member of a minority that suffers a lot of bigotry and persecution. Specifically, my uncle is the head of the largest crime family in upstate New York.

However, Uncle Carlo says getting into college is not all that hard, even when you’d expect to be discriminated against. He calls it “a simple 3 step process.”

Step 1. I tell Uncle Carlo my top 5 choices. He says 5 is probably overkill, but “better safe than sorry, know what I’m saying?”

Step 2. Uncle Carlo tells Big Tommaso to get the names, addresses and cell phones of the deans of admissions for my top 5.

Step 3 is me writing this essay right now, which is probably not all that interesting, except to the people on Big Tommaso's list in Step 2. In this essay, I just need to emphasize that once a knee cap is broken, it hardly ever heals right so you walk with a limp for the rest of your life.

There are a couple of other--hopefully optional--steps.

Step 4. Around March 1 someone calls the cell phone numbers to find out how the admissions decisions are coming.

But we’re really hoping to hear good news before March 1, so Step 5 won’t be necessary.

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