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Bella Swan's Common App Essay
I'd bet most girls applying to college have never given much thought to how they would die. But I have, for many reasons.
First, I'm so clumsy that I have a near-death experience about once a week. My motor skills are pathetic. Last week I poked myself in the eye with a graham cracker and scratched my cornea, which got infected so I have to wear a patch until it heals. I'm also accident-prone, which is not the same as clumsy, but it still gets me almost killed a lot. Random vans careen out of control, inner city street thugs travel long distances to mug me, motorcycles tip over on me (sometimes twice in one ride), werewolves get pissed off at me. Then add in all the people who want me dead--the Volturi (don't ask), vengeful mates of people my boyfriend killed, that sort of thing--and there's no explaining why I'm still alive, let alone applying to college.
But the real reason I obsess about HOW I will die? I'm hopelessly, desperately in love with a vampire whose deepest desire would be to drain my fluids, if he weren't also hopelessly, desperately in love with me. As I kiss his mouth, which houses his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I long, yearn, ache, for him to drain my fluids, in exchange for the promise of eternal non-life with him and his really nice family. (I hope that's not TMI.) Bottom line: I think about death 24/7. With a crush like mine, you would, too.
Some of my friends have warned me not to admit on a college app that I'm praying hard to be turned into a vampire. They say colleges don't like vampires, even the vegetarian kind. Listen, I promise that even if I end up as a vampire I won't drain anyone's fluids. And remember, immortality is forever. Train me now and I'll be around forever to pass on my skills and contribute to the alumni fund. Vampires accumulate piles of money, mainly because compound interest really adds up over the course of forever. A few smart vampire admits could get your decimated endowment right back on track.
I'm not a college admissions officer and I don't know what kind of "diversity" you're looking for. But maybe you should consider balancing all those life-affirming, vivacious, go-getting optimists (oh, please!) with a little of the dark side. Maybe what's been missing from your campus life is a few death-obsessed students. I can help.
First, I'm so clumsy that I have a near-death experience about once a week. My motor skills are pathetic. Last week I poked myself in the eye with a graham cracker and scratched my cornea, which got infected so I have to wear a patch until it heals. I'm also accident-prone, which is not the same as clumsy, but it still gets me almost killed a lot. Random vans careen out of control, inner city street thugs travel long distances to mug me, motorcycles tip over on me (sometimes twice in one ride), werewolves get pissed off at me. Then add in all the people who want me dead--the Volturi (don't ask), vengeful mates of people my boyfriend killed, that sort of thing--and there's no explaining why I'm still alive, let alone applying to college.
But the real reason I obsess about HOW I will die? I'm hopelessly, desperately in love with a vampire whose deepest desire would be to drain my fluids, if he weren't also hopelessly, desperately in love with me. As I kiss his mouth, which houses his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I long, yearn, ache, for him to drain my fluids, in exchange for the promise of eternal non-life with him and his really nice family. (I hope that's not TMI.) Bottom line: I think about death 24/7. With a crush like mine, you would, too.
Some of my friends have warned me not to admit on a college app that I'm praying hard to be turned into a vampire. They say colleges don't like vampires, even the vegetarian kind. Listen, I promise that even if I end up as a vampire I won't drain anyone's fluids. And remember, immortality is forever. Train me now and I'll be around forever to pass on my skills and contribute to the alumni fund. Vampires accumulate piles of money, mainly because compound interest really adds up over the course of forever. A few smart vampire admits could get your decimated endowment right back on track.
I'm not a college admissions officer and I don't know what kind of "diversity" you're looking for. But maybe you should consider balancing all those life-affirming, vivacious, go-getting optimists (oh, please!) with a little of the dark side. Maybe what's been missing from your campus life is a few death-obsessed students. I can help.
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