Submit an Essay or Story

Are you dying to submit a Common App essay that tells thirteen colleges to go fuck themselves? What about admit stories? If you visited Tulane and your interviewer was 9 months pregnant and her water broke during the interview, we'd like to know about it. Details, please. Send in your dispatches from College Admissions Hell.

Click here to submit content using your Facebook account.

OR

Login as a contributor (sign up to contribute)

Create your account

Return on Investment

By the time I'm 24 I will be worth billions. It's not a matter of if or when, either. It just is. And the internet business that I will have started from my Harvard dorm room is how it's going to happen.

This can be a big thing for Harvard. I think we're both pretty aware of the hit that your endowment has taken in the last year. If you, Mr. or Ms. Harvard Admissions Officer, understand your role, then together we can make a difference for the school. All it takes is a small leap of your professional imagination.

Think Gates. Think Zuckerberg. Now think me, Jason Moskowitz. Imagine in a mere 5 years time: HARVARD'S big new Moskowitz Hall and its lushly endowed Center for Applied Business Ethics.

Surely you're wondering how you can help make this happen for Harvard? The answer: just let me, Jason Moskowitz, in.

I don't need all four years. I just need that Harvard label so that when I drop out after sophomore year, all the Venture Capitalists know what they're dealing with: a great idea, a hard-driving brilliant personality (me), and the clear record that this kid paid his dues at Harvard. Look, if two years is too much, hey, let's make it work with just freshman year. Your investment goes down by 50% and I promise, I'm still good for the ethics center. Just let me know what you need. And "entre nous", I mean that personally.

As a bonus, recognizing what a crucial part you will have played personally, I wouldn't be surprised to find a pretty big lecture space on the ground floor at "the Jase" (that's the nickname for Moskowitz Hall) that's personally named after the pro-active admissions person who was there at the ground floor.

That's some return on investment, don't you think?

Comments [0]

1

3