college app essays

I own a pit bull because I’m a very alpha-type guy who doesn’t take shit from anyone. And my pit bull Jaws helps me get the message out. Of course I keep him in a choke collar that’s a welded ring of #4 rebar, and he’s been socialized at the Michael Vick K9 Academy, which also trains Jay-Z’s Dobermans. But even with all that training, there’s still an element of chance—the sudden noise of a dumpster winch or the electric field surge of a lightning bolt could set him off and then, man, you better grab your nuts. I carry a million dollar liability shield and my peeps are on my case to double it.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not gonna let my dog shred your dog into a wet pile of ground chuck, that’s not how I roll. But I like to know that he could. I like a dog with power in reserve. Don’t gimme a sissy dog that squeaks and yaps and doesn’t do shit; gimme a dog that looks all cool and under control but then, BAM! just snaps. THAT’s exciting. Jaw-dawg is a time bomb. Everyone respects a guy with the guts to walk around with a bottle of nitro in his back pocket. And that’s why I own a pit bull.