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Ptharien's Flame

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matriphobe:motherfucker::sororiphobe:___

ACADEMICS, LOVE AND SEX, MEDICAL ISSUES, PARENTS AND FAMILY, RANDOM

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Mr. Chin

Bob's Shlong

Bob has become aroused. Unlike most, his penis is shaped like a perfect cylinder. The head of his dick contains a fixed amount of blood regardless of his flaccidity. His shaft starts with a length of 3 inches and a radius of 1 inch. His penis grows at 0.25 inches per second in length, and 0.0625 inches per second in radius. At the exact instant his shaft is 5 inches in length, find the rate at which the volume of blood in his dick is increasing.

a) 2.25(pi) inches cubed per second

b) 1.5(pi) inches cubed per second

c) 3(pi) inches cubed per second

d) 69

e) 0 inches cubed per second, everyone knows his dick stoped growing at 4 inches.

ANATOMY, CALCULUS, LOVE AND SEX

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TheMaddHatter

T.V. has come to this?

It has come to light that four of the cast members on MTV's Jersey Shore have STDs. Mike "The Situation" has the clap, DJ Pauly D has syphilis, Jenni "J-Woww" has crabs, and Nicole "Snooki" has herpes. The four other cast members don't have STDs (for now). If the season is going to last for eight episodes and ineach episode, a cast member with an STD has sex with another castmate, by the end of the season, how many castmates will have less than two STDs? (You don't need to be Einstein to figure this out)

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e) That whole house is going to become a biohazard site.

FAMOUS PEOPLE, REALITY TV

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TheMaddHatter

"We're Getting Out!" "Oh, yeah? Who cares?"

Starting this January, President Obama will start uplling out troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan. There are currently 235,000 tropps in both countries combined. He decides to pull out 5,000 troops this January and pull out more troops every three months according to the function f(x) = 2x + x/2 - 3,500 with 5,000 being the first x value and every subsequent x value being the value of the previous f(x). At this rate, how many troops in total will have been withdrawn by July 2011?

a) 27,800

b) 36,698

c) 98,405

d) Who cares? The last Harry Potter movie is gonna come out by then!

e) 45,500

POLITICS

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CJ17098

Computer Viruses Aren't Your Only Problem....

On the dating website eHarmony.com a potential user has a 1 in 8 chance of having their online profile successfully matched with that of a potential date. According to the Centers for Disease Control nearly 1 in 5 people in the general U.S. population have some form of STD. Assuming eHarmony draws from the general U.S. population, and the date goes well, what are the odds of acquiring an STD through an eHarmony profile.

a) 13/40

b) 1/40

c) None. I prefer to get my STDs the old fashioned way, thank you very much.

d) Depends on whether or not Lindsey Lohan is out trolling the internet again.

e) Less than the odds you'll find yourself saying, "Fuck it, I'm paying for sex, but just this one time."

RELATIONSHIPS AND DATING

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Steven Liu

Jinxes

Some bitch jinxes you. What do you do?

a) Let it go.

b) Discuss it emotionally.

c) Beat the bitch with wood.

d) Fuck her for an apology.

e) Do the matrix and evade the jinx. I'm alternate dimensioning that shit.

RANDOM

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wegz

Bye Bye JoBros

Question: Nick Jonas announced he’ll be taking time off from the Jonas Brothers in order to pursue a solo career.

a) because he believes it is his fastest route to a spot on Dancing with the Stars

b) because he wants to join Lance Bass and some Russians on the moon

c) in order to pursue a solo career

d) because he is finally going through puberty

e) because Mickey Mouse touched him where his bathing suit goes

FAMOUS PEOPLE

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LJ

This is it...I hope!

Sentence Completion

Question: This week will witness the opening of Michael Jackson’s _________, it is expected to _____________ .

a) movie / break box office records

b) coffin / be a real Halloween treat

c) toy store / be much safer than it would have been six months ago

d) pants / be underwhelming

e) copy of Chicken Soup for the Black Man’s Soul / be unread

FAMOUS PEOPLE, MICHAEL JACKSON

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Bambi126

A Sexy Halloween

Apparently the girls from Chi Theta Pi and the Calculus club forgot to compare notes before choosing costumes to wear to the frat’s Halloween party. From the Calculus club Holly dressed as a girl scout and Melissa dressed as a Mother Teresa. Both girls drank 2 wine coolers. Holly went home with one of the frat brothers and Melissa spent the night with two. On the other hand the sorority girls got totally loaded. Sorority Sally dressed up as a “sexy girl scout” and spent the night with two frat boys and the pizza guy. Sorority Jane outdid Calculus Melissa by dressing up as “Sexy Mother Teresa.” How many men did she wake up with the morning after?

a) None. Everyone knows Mother Teresa likes women.

HALLOWEEN

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Penny_Lane

Celebreality

Celebs are all over reality tv these days. While most appearances make little to no sense, others do. This week, Natalie Portman showcased her love of cooking (and hatred of meat) on Top Chef Las Vegas.

Natalie Portman : Top Chef :: Carrie Fisher : _______

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a) A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila

FAMOUS PEOPLE, REALITY TV

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