BSAT World : Past Questions Of The Day

March 9, 2010 - How to Handle Too Much Junk In The Trunk

Having a big fat ass has fucked up my life so bad that sometimes I just want to ______.

a) line my ass up against a wall and shoot it

b) wring my ass's scrawny little neck

c) undergo a radical assectomy

d) report my ass to Amnesty International for human rights abuses

e) have liposuction

MEDICAL ISSUES, SELF-ESTEEM

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March 8, 2010 - Quentin Tarantino's violence

Three types of violence account for all the commercial success of Quentin Tarantino's latest film, Die, You Pulpy Hack, Chapter One! The ratio of their occurrences, severings to stabbings to shootings, is 4:3:2. If the flick grosses $150,000,000 in its first 4 weeks, how much of that amount should Quentin credit to stabbings alone?

a) $10,000,000

b) $25,000,000

c) $50,000,000

d) It's wrong to glourify violince, so it ought not be determined.

e) Extreme violence is fun, but the answer is impossible to determine.

MOVIES

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March 7, 2010 - Somali Pirates & Car Salesmen

Question of the Day GREATEST HIT! -from August 30, 2009

Like Somali pirates, a car salesman works on commission, but only recently, in a desperate attempt to unload mounds of Detroit's stinkers, have they started taking hostages and using shoulder-launched rockets.

a) [no need for improvement]

b) no car salesman works

c) car salesmen work

d) kidney dialysis vendors work

e) U.S. Congressmen work

CARS, PIRATE CULTURE

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March 6, 2010 - WOOt WOOt

GREATEST USER-SUBMITTED HIT

Joey goes to woot.com and buys a "Bag of Random Crap" for $3.00 that contains a swimmer's noseplug, a graphic novel, a tomagachi and a subwoofer. If the average cost per item to woot is .08 what is their profit margin on Joey's crap?

e) They're losing money.

Submitted by MM Kool K on August 11, 2009.

RANDOM

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March 5, 2010 - Online Staring Contest

In an online staring contest, Jessica Alba outstares KevJumba by 10 seconds, while KevJumba goes 50% longer than HappySlip. If HappySlip lasted 40 seconds before blinking, what was Jessica's winning time?

a) 50 seconds

b) 70 seconds

c) 99 seconds

d) The contest is suspended when Kev's father comes home, finds him not studying and kills him.

e) It cannot be determined.

YOUTUBE CULTURE

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March 4, 2010 - Veronica is HOT

"Veronica was so gorgeous that she caused male college interviewers to literally fly into orbit," is an example of _______.

COLLEGE ADMISSIONS

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March 3, 2010 - Just Another Evening At the Opera.

Ripped from the headlines! Fill in the rest of the lead to this Reuters News article:

Some 5,200 Australians posed naked in front of the Sydney Opera House on Monday for a photo shoot by New York-based artist Spencer Tunick for another signature installation of ____________________.

a) a Cialis commercial, by your 6 pm network news.

b) your cable television system, by the Time Warner Corporation.

c) Vivid videos latest opera-themed pornographic production entitled "The Magic Skin Flute"

d) nudes against urban backdrops.

e) the wildest spring break trip ever!!!!

PIRATE CULTURE

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March 2, 2010 - Best work-around for no talent?

Not having any writing talent whatsoever, Tiffany found that the most helpful tool in crafting "a compelling narrative" for her common app was ______.

a) an admissions consultant who uses phrases like "a compelling narrative"

b) at least one over-involved helicopter parent

c) a few visits to killeressays.com

d) approximately $7,500

e) any of the above

COLLEGE ADMISSIONS

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March 1, 2010 - Don't let 'em get your goat

Margaret told me that I shouldn't let them get my goat, so, taking her advice, I got my shit together _______.

a) and locked up Molly, my pet goat

b) but my goat, Molly, had already escaped

c) even though I had a frog in my throat

d) and told them to fuck off

e) and also told Margaret oh yeah, she looks like a horse

RANDOM

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February 28, 2010 - Weekend Hall of Fame Question - Ugly Kicks Contest

WEEKEND HALL OF FAME QUESTION from November 7, 2009

At the BSAT one of our contributors' day job is a part time foot ware critic for a certain well-known blog. This is his latest Sentence Improvement.

In the final round of the "World's Ugliest Shoes Contest" in Las Vegas, it came down to a shootout between Crocs, Uggs or Birkenstocks.

a) between Crocs, Uggs or Birkenstocks

b) between Crocs, Uggs and BBC Waffle-Drip Sneakers

c) between Crocs, Uggs and Butterfairies

d) among Crocs, Uggs and Birkenstocks

e) among everything in Sara Jessica Parker's closet

FASHION

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February 26, 2010 - Amelia's Optional Video Essay for Tufts

Amelia had fun applying to Tufts with a video of her "math dances," but when the video went viral ______.

a) she was admitted to thousands of colleges she hadn't applied to

b) she was nominated for an Oscar for Best Cell Phone Quickie

c) so did her ego and she told Tufts to shove it

d) suddenly the world saw how lame she was and she joined a convent

e) she was kind of surprised, since it had taken less than 20 minutes to shoot

You can see Amelia's supplemental video for yourself.

ACADEMICS

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February 25, 2010 - Sex Addiction

The BSAT goes back to the well. It's just too good to resist. Today's Sentence Completion Question of the Day...

Sex addiction is a horrible condition that it has quite nearly derailed the career of a great athlete and betrayed fans everywhere.

a) horrible condition that it

b) not so horrible condition that might

c) somewhat troubling condition if not that

d) whole lot of fun even if he

e) barely believable excuse for behavior that

FAMOUS PEOPLE, LOVE AND SEX, SPORTS

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February 24, 2010 - The Pickle: Nickelback's Fickle Facebook Foe

One of the most popular Facebook groups is a group called "Can This Pickle Get More Fans Than Nickelback". The Pickle currently stands at 1,477,972 fans. Nickelback trails with 1,421,742. Nickelback trails the pickle by what percentage of its Facebook fan total?

a) 56,230

b) 4%

c) Higher than current interest rates

d) More than the amount of Nickelback songs you can play at the same time perfectly synched up

e) Who cares, I know a water chestnut that has more fans than Creed

MUSIC

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February 23, 2010 - That blinking grid is...whatchamacallit.

"I know it's not a video but the dots keep blinking so it must be ______."

a) a Las Vegas souvenir shop sign

b) the LSD I did last night

c) an tropical delusion

d) a haunted geometry assignment

e) an optical illusion

Thanks to Wikipedia.

ANATOMY

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February 22, 2010 - Tiger's Mental State

Let the equation f(T) = s⁴ - s_i^1/2 + h⁶ represent Tiger Woods' internal state at the time of his recent public apology, where: s = sorry, s_i = sincere and h = horny

Based on the above, which of the following best describes Tiger's condition:

a) pretty sorry, really sincere and a little bit horny

b) very very sincerely sorry and please castrate me at once

c) really really really really sorry, a little insincere but still WAY mega-horny

d) really really really sincerely sorry I got caught and I won't do that again

e) get me more babes, back onto the course and outta here

FAMOUS PEOPLE, LOVE AND SEX, SPORTS

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February 21, 2010 - Casper the Friendly Corpse

A BSAT HALL OF FAME QUESTION FROM OCTOBER 25, 2009

Transitioning into your college years means shedding childish illusions, like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the World Champion Chicago Cubs. Today's BSAT Sentence Improvement...

There's just no way around the fact that Casper must have a life before becoming a friendly ghost.

a) have a life

b) have first tried being scary

c) had been a live little kid

d) have been rotting in the ground

e) have a career on the Lifetime Network

RANDOM

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February 19, 2010 - 99 bottles of beer on the wall

There are 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. If three frat bros take 1/3 of them down and pass them around, and then smash 3/11 of the rest in the parking lot, and then play Intramural Beer Pong with 1/2 of the remainder, that leaves how many bottles of beer on the wall?

a) Twennnyfoooour

b) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

c) Youknowwut??? I lovvvyouman!

d) Thurrrysixxx

e) Sevendee...***BLURRRRGHHH***...sorry

From "The BSAT Official Study Guide," by John Forster and Mark Segan (Running Press). Available at bookstores everywhere.

DRINKING

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February 18, 2010 - Crazy Mahmoud

The world is awfully upset with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad because of his adamant insistence on refining _______.

a) uranium

b) pandemonium

c) baby oil

d) the pronunciation of his name

e) his FABULOUS image

POLITICS

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February 17, 2010 - Ice Dancing With the Stars

Complete this quote by former figure skating gold medalist, and current NBC figure skating commentator Scott Hamilton: "Male figure skating is different than female figure skating; we're not _______ America's __________."

a) pulling down the same ratings in.....heartland

b) gay......just judging us based on our fabulous sequenced outfits

c) seen as......sweethearts

d) landing the kind of triple toe lutzes that make.......underpants need a change

e) providing fodder for.......masturbatory fantasies

SPORTS

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February 16, 2010 - Mexico's Winter Olympic Hope

The Mexican team, consisting of one 51-year-old downhill skier-aristocrat, might finally break the curse and medal in the 2010 Winter Olympics, _______.

a) if all the other skiers spontaneously combust

b) oops, I meant to say "meddle"

c) at least theoretically

d) NOT

e) and the Jamaican bobsled team also has a shot

SPORTS

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