BSAT World : Past Questions Of The Day

Pitfalls of Excellence

Being the cream of the crop didn't innoculate him against stepping on his own dick.

a) [no change]

b) innoculate him against rabies

c) protect him against lactose intolerance

d) guarantee that he would rise to the top

e) mean he wasn't a big doodoo head

"The BSAT Official Study Guide" by John Forster & Marc Segan

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20 lbs of shit in a 10 lbs bag

A blivot is the standard unit of "overstuffedness". One blivot is traditionally defined as twenty pounds of shit in a ten-pound bag. Noting that zero blivots equals ten pounds of shit in a ten-pound bag, how many blivots is eleven pounds of shit in a ten-pound bag?

a) 1.1 blivots

b) 0.1 blivots

c) Square root of 11 blivots

d) It cannot be determined.

e) It can be determined but I cannot determine it.

From The BSAT Official Study Guide by John Forster & Marc Segan

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Hubba Hubba Analogy

touchy feely :: hippy dippy :: wishy washy : ______

"The BSAT Official Study Guide" by John Forster & Marc Segan (Running Press)

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Intriguing New Book

Pandering shamelessly to its readers, AD/HD For Dummies is composed of thousands of sentence fragments thrown together with no discernible _____.

a) theological underpinnings

b) organizing principle

c) ...oh look...a camel!

d) social conscience

e) chance of finding a publisher

From "The BSAT Official Study Guide" by John Forster & Marc Segan (Running Press)

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This Story's Blowin' Up!

Ronald writes headlines for The New York Post. He was trying to come up with the best headline to encapsulate the status of air travel after the Icelandic volcanic eruption. Which headline will he choose for the front page:

a) Plane in the Ash

b) Air Travelers Say: Volcanoes Blow!

c) Volcano Blow Costs Airlines Dough

d) Tiger Putts From The Rough

e) Spitzer Swallows

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Hubert the intimidating 7th-grader

Even as a 7th-grader, Hubert was so intimidating that some other students suspected that Mrs. O'Leary gave him a passing grade just because he was ______.

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Chess meets Naked Twister

Here we go again. In their lame Question of the Day on April 9, the idiots at the College Board give us a sitting duck:

Each of 5 men played a game of chess with each of 5 women, and then each woman played a game of chess with each of the other women. How many games of chess were played?

We can put that to better use, can't we? Of course we can! Today's BSAT Math Question of the Day...

Each of 5 men played Naked Twister with with each of 5 women and then each woman played Naked Twister with each of the other women. How many games of Strip Poker were played?

e) How the hell should I know?

Deep thanks to Milton Bradley games and those gloryus basterds at the College Board.

LOVE AND SEX, RANDOM

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The mystified Baroness

The Baroness was scandalized to learn that in the United States, a _____ had come a hair's breadth from prevailing over a _____.

a) Devil Republican..Yellow Dog Democrat

b) Butler..Duke

c) Duke..Butler

d) butler..maid

e) scullery maid..Teamster

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Boxers...or legal briefs?

Around 50 left-wing municipal officials dropped their trousers at Rome's city hall on Monday to call for ______________________________.

a) MORE TEQUILA SHOTS!!!11!!!!!!

b) the speedy passage of the Italian capital's 2010 budget.

c) the national adoption of "pants-optional" Mondays.

d) answers to the theretofore rhetorical question "boxers or briefs."

e) pizza.

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What happens to you when you don't pay for your Free Credit Report?

When Carl refused to pay the bill for his free credit report, his credit score tanked by 40%. This was after it had already fallen by 150 points when he bought a guitar on installments. If he had started with a score of 600, where is he now?

e) Out in the backyard with his homies, pretending he has a band.

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WOOt WOOt

GREATEST USER-SUBMITTED HIT

Joey goes to woot.com and buys a "Bag of Random Crap" for $3.00 that contains a swimmer's noseplug, a graphic novel, a tomagachi and a subwoofer. If the average cost per item to woot is .08 what is their profit margin on Joey's crap?

e) They're losing money.

Submitted by MM Kool K on August 11, 2009.

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Don't let 'em get your goat

Margaret told me that I shouldn't let them get my goat, so, taking her advice, I got my shit together _______.

a) and locked up Molly, my pet goat

b) but my goat, Molly, had already escaped

c) even though I had a frog in my throat

d) and told them to fuck off

e) and also told Margaret oh yeah, she looks like a horse

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Casper the Friendly Corpse

A BSAT HALL OF FAME QUESTION FROM OCTOBER 25, 2009

Transitioning into your college years means shedding childish illusions, like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the World Champion Chicago Cubs. Today's BSAT Sentence Improvement...

There's just no way around the fact that Casper must have a life before becoming a friendly ghost.

a) have a life

b) have first tried being scary

c) had been a live little kid

d) have been rotting in the ground

e) have a career on the Lifetime Network

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The age of a moron

Andrew asks Bobby, an actual moron, how old he, Bobby, is. As a hint, Andrew explains that he is twice as old as Bobby was eight years ago and also that Bobby is now one year younger than Andrew. Which is Bobby's LEAST likely answer to Andrew's question?

e) Hey, wait a minute. Least likely or most UN-likely? Huh?

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Archaeologist babe

The following appeared on February 3 as the official College Board Question of the Day. Today we present alternative answers -- the ones those dopes wish they had offered.

The archaeologist enjoyed the ------- life she led while gathering artifacts; she never stayed at any one site long enough to get bored.

Hat tip to those bastards at the College Board

ACADEMICS, LOVE AND SEX, RANDOM

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Losing an eye

It's funny when you lose an eye.

a) It's funny when you lose an eye.

b) It's funny until you lose an eye.

c) It's funnier when Bert loses an eye.

d) It's tragedy when I cut my finger.

e) It's comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Hat tip to Mel Brooks

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Synecdoche, a finger, an ass

"Don't give ME the finger!" is an example of synecdoche, a literary device wherein a part of something is used to represent the whole.

a) Don't give ME the finger

b) Your finger is such an ass

c) Get your finger out of your ass

d) Get your finger out of my ass

e) Get your ass out of here

ANATOMY, RANDOM

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I heart my Facebook but...

Facebook : privacy :: ______ : ______

a) Dancing with the Stars : hernia

b) xkcd : nerd heaven

c) Deal Or No Deal : tax bracket

d) The Biggest Loser : dignity

e) TRESemme Hair Salon : Tim Gunn

from The BSAT Official Study Guide by John Forster and Marc Segan (Running Press)

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Modern Warfare

Contrary to so-called child development experts, the problem with Modern Warfare isn't that kids confuse the video game and reality, it's that they _______.

a) can't tell reality from the video game

b) know very well that it's just a game but can't wait to kill actual people

c) waste so much time in their rooms like some kind of weirdos

d) come to love the smell of napalm in the morning

e) always choose the "kill the child development expert" option

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Zerbert

HALL OF FAME QUESTION OF THE DAY from Sept 2, 2009

Analogies are extremely cool. That why the bastards at the College Board cut them from the SAT--to make it as exciting as reruns of Wheel of Fortune. Today's BSAT Analogy:

zerbert : erotic :: sudoku : _______

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