BSAT World : Past Questions Of The Day

Who wins a pissing contest?

Alphonse and Gaston are having a pissing contest. The score is calculated as duration multiplied by maximum distance. Gaston's distance is 50% greater than Alphonse's but his time is 50% less. Who wins?

a) Gaston wins

b) Alphonse wins

c) It's a tie

d) By definition, no one wins a pissing contest.

e) [This answer intentionally left blank.]

From The BSAT Official Study Guide by John Forster & Marc Segan

BODILY FUNCTIONS

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Aliens & Anal Probes

If it takes 10 aliens 2 hours to perform anal probes on 6 abductees, how long would it take 5 aliens to do 1/3 of the work?

e) Cannot be determined because aliens operate outside the terrestrial time/space continuum, so their efforts cannot be judged by earthly standards.

From The BSAT Official Study Guide by John Forster & Marc Segan

ANATOMY, BODILY FUNCTIONS, MEDICAL ISSUES

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Potty Talk for Idiots

And for those of you who are still waffling, we strongly encourage you to neither shit or get off the pot.

a) to neither shit or get off the pot

b) to neither shit nor get off the pot

c) to either shit or get off the pot

d) to either shit or don't shit--whatever

e) to consider switching to pancakes

From "The BSAT Official Study Guide" by John Forster & Marc Segan. (Running Press, Philadelphia)

BODILY FUNCTIONS

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iPad jokes, anyone? Oh, grow the fuck up!

Our culture has grown shallow, desperate and out of control, as proven this week by our collective inability to _____ iPad period jokes.

a) stop the flow of

b) Always StayFree of

c) handle a few heavy days of

d) refrain from all these not-so-fresh

e) all of the above

BODILY FUNCTIONS, CELL PHONES & GADGETS

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Paris's period

BSAT math is the math you need when life serves you a pig's breakfast. Here's a mess the SAT wouldn't touch in a Hazmat suit:

Paris's period is 3 weeks late. Her diary shows that during the last month, while fertile, she slept with her current boyfriend 4 times, her ex-boyfriend twice, the pool boy 7 times and also once with some Italian guy. Assuming that she is actually pregnant, what are the chances that the pool boy is the father of Paris's child?

e) Zero. The pool boy is shooting blanks.

BODILY FUNCTIONS, LOVE AND SEX, RELATIONSHIPS AND DATING

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Demonic possession & sewers

Because they're idiots, the College Board cut Analogies out of the SAT in 2005. But Analogies are the most fun you can have with a #2 pencil! Lots more available in The BSAT Official Study Guide.

Here's how analogy problems work: you are given a pair of words, phrases or whatevers that are somehow related. Select the choice that makes the second pair related in the same way as the first.

possession : exorcist :: sewer backup : ______

BODILY FUNCTIONS, POLITICS

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