BSAT World : Top-Rated User Questions

Reginald Quilch

Hellen Keller Stand-up

During her brief career in stand-up, Helen Keller was able to ignore the hecklers, but _______.

a) not the rotten tomatoes or the hook

b) in her heart she knew she was stinking up the joint

c) bumping into the furniture is only funny for about five minutes

d) only because she was never a good listener

e) any of the above

FAMOUS PEOPLE

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John Cole

Sake Bombs! Sake Bombs! Sake Bombs!

Jack and Jill go sake bombing at the local Geisha Garden. Jill knows that after 5 sake bombs, she'll throw up the equivalent of 1 bomb. Jack knows that after 20 sake bombs, he'll throw up the equivalent of 2.5 bombs. If they are alive after having 41 sake bombs each on a Saturday night, how many sake bombs will be in their stomachs in total?

a) 50 - - solid night

b) 66 - - sloppy drunk

c) 69 - - giggity

d) 75 - - which way to the hospital

e) Jack and Jill passed out after 10

DRINKING

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2 Comments

Sam

98 problems but a bitch ain't one

Mild Sauce, pimp and crack dealer, has 98 problems, but a bitch ain't one. 15 are related to semiautomatic weapons, the po'po account for 26, his crack supply accounts for 31, general existential angst causes 12, and the rest are caused by his fear that Obama's stimulus plan will finally revitalize the economy. What percentage of Mild Sauce's problems are caused by his fear that an upturn in the economy will cut down on the number of people who turn to his low-quality crack and skanky hos for entertainment?

a) 7%

b) 25%

c) 14%

d) I've been smoking too much bad crack and don't know the answer.

e) Smack the bitch anyway.

ECONOMICS, LOVE AND SEX

14

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1 Comment

HoopieGuido

Hijack Improvement

When the suspect put a gun to the chairlift operator's head and said, "This chairlift's going to Canada," it became clear he didn't have that good of a grasp on reality.

a) good of a grasp on reality

b) good of a grasp on geography

c) well of a grasp on geography

d) good a grasp on reality

e) that extra special something we call star quality

CRIME

12

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LJ

This is it...I hope!

Sentence Completion

Question: This week will witness the opening of Michael Jackson’s _________, it is expected to _____________ .

a) movie / break box office records

b) coffin / be a real Halloween treat

c) toy store / be much safer than it would have been six months ago

d) pants / be underwhelming

e) copy of Chicken Soup for the Black Man’s Soul / be unread

FAMOUS PEOPLE, MICHAEL JACKSON

11

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TJ Dietderich

Obama's Peace Prize

Barack Obama : The Nobel Peace Prize :: ______ : ______.

a) someone who showed up to work : employee of the year

b) frozen turkey : blue ribbon for best Thanksgiving dinner

c) Keanu Reeves : an Oscar

d) a soldier in basic : Medal of Valor

e) the American public : Award for Best Use of an Analogy in Everyday Conversation

BARACK OBAMA

11

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0 Comments

BSAT on my face

Octomom

Octomom has done it again -- she's pregnant! This time, though, she's got 9 buns in the oven. If TLC wants to have a live, hour long, commercial-free broadcast of her delivery, what's the average rate of childbirth Octomom must maintain if she's going to deliver all 9 babies in 60 minutes?

a) 1 baby / 6 minutes

b) 1 baby / 6 minutes 20 seconds

c) 1 baby / 6 minutes 40 seconds

d) 1 baby / 7 minutes

e) They're all going to cartwheel out in less than 5 minutes

FAMOUS PEOPLE, PARENTS AND FAMILY

10

3

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wegz

Bye Bye JoBros

Question: Nick Jonas announced he’ll be taking time off from the Jonas Brothers in order to pursue a solo career.

a) because he believes it is his fastest route to a spot on Dancing with the Stars

b) because he wants to join Lance Bass and some Russians on the moon

c) in order to pursue a solo career

d) because he is finally going through puberty

e) because Mickey Mouse touched him where his bathing suit goes

FAMOUS PEOPLE

9

1

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Bambi126

A Sexy Halloween

Apparently the girls from Chi Theta Pi and the Calculus club forgot to compare notes before choosing costumes to wear to the frat’s Halloween party. From the Calculus club Holly dressed as a girl scout and Melissa dressed as a Mother Teresa. Both girls drank 2 wine coolers. Holly went home with one of the frat brothers and Melissa spent the night with two. On the other hand the sorority girls got totally loaded. Sorority Sally dressed up as a “sexy girl scout” and spent the night with two frat boys and the pizza guy. Sorority Jane outdid Calculus Melissa by dressing up as “Sexy Mother Teresa.” How many men did she wake up with the morning after?

a) None. Everyone knows Mother Teresa likes women.

HALLOWEEN

9

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MM Kool K

W00t! W00t!

Joey goes to woot.com and buys a "Bag of Random Crap" for $3.00 that contains a swimmer's noseplug, a graphic novel, a tomagachi and a subwoofer. If the average cost per item to woot is .08 what is their profit margin on Joey's crap?

e) They're losing money.

RANDOM

9

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1 Comment

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